The Cheese went bad OR: Hey, Fuck You Michael Cera!

Imagine a world where people have memories 2 months long. Where sheer repetition is applauded and mediocrity holds sway. Imagine a world where people absolutely never tire of stories featuring nervous, awkward 19-24 year old protagonists.

This is the world in which Michael Cera lives.


The AV club reported this week as a part of their "Weekly Buzzkills" (on a story that MTV news picked up on) that apparently Michael Cera continues to be the lone hold-out on the much anticipated "Arrested Development" movie. Apparently now that he's a big movie star, he has better things to do that appease the very people who got him there.

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed his stuff thus far (I mean cripes, I was Paulie Bleeker for Halloween), but I imagine he thinks that people are never going to get sick of him playing a nervous kid in his late teens or early twenties. That theres a never ending torrent of scripts being mailed to right his front door where he just needs to show up and be charmingly befuddled. But, the truth is he's been stretching whats basically 1 character for an entire TV show run, 3 big movies and a web series.


Not even Pauly Shore kept peoples interest with 1 character for that long.
Some actors can, but Michael Cera isn't Woody Allen, or even Stephen Wright. He's Pauly Shore, and right now is about time that the short-lived "Pauly" is being canceled and people are starting to go "...you know what? Fuck the Weasel!"

"Well, maybe he's TRYING to get away from that one character, hence not wanting to reprise it in an Arrested Development Movie..."

I hear you Italics, but now that the cat's already been let out of the bag, it's kind of a bitch move to not do the movie. I mean, Bill Murray has been nominated for an Oscar, and is still down for Ghostbusters 3, and this guy is too too cool for school already?

What he should do is triumphantly return to the role that thrust him into the spotlight, and then move onto being a jittery bomb disarmer or badass with a heart of gold eskimo fireman, or a Jive Talking Robot , or whatever the devil it is he wants to do. Retire the awkward teen, but not before you send George Michael Bluth out with a bang. It's well deserved. He's been waiting for a bang for several years now. Make it happen.



ps. I should also mention: If this post contains anything that may bother, or be in any way disagreeable to one Miss. Ellen Page, I can take it down. Seriously. I don't mean to dis your boy. Nothing but love for ya, boo.