I think I can beat Mike Tyson OR: My life in Math

As it stands, I'd put myself firmly on the "casual" side of video gaming. I get myself a new console approx. every 1 1/2 console cycles or so, and usually purchase no more than about 5 games for it. But it wasn't always this way. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve Nintendo's classic little grey box. I can remember the winter after "The Wizard" came out, finally getting my hands on Super Mario Bros. 3 (the WiiFit of that era, in terms of calculated hype and even more calculated hard-to-findedness), sitting listening to my also recently obtained cassette of Kid N Play's "Funhouse" album over and over and trying to master SMB3. I don't know that I ever did. Then, and still now, I lack sticktoitiveness. But it's the journey, not the destination, right? I knew what happened. Bowser fell through bricks, the Princess was something of a cock tease, See you all next year.
Regardless, this was the equation for fun, back in '90:



Now that I'm a little older, a little wiser, and my tastes have gotten more sophisticated, the same equation has now more like this:


At this point, I think I should mention to my readers, and my mum, that that last scandalous mathematical equation was a joke.
The truth, albeit less exciting is a lot more like this:



...or even more recently, much to my own shame for being so in line with my particular age demographic:



ANYways, math problems aside, I'm a pretty limited gamer these days. Of the current gen systems, I only have a Wii. There are only a handful a series' I care about, and I only recently (like 2 weeks ago) found a first person shooter¹ that I actually liked. Although, One title I've consistently found myself returning to, with the same enthusiasm and zeal as when I first played it, is the NES's "Mike Tyson²'s Punch Out!!".
Which is why I'm so excited to see this:





Even after the releases of Street Fighter 4 (PS3 & 360), Grand Theft Auto 4 (PS3 & 360) & Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (PS3 & 360) I'm happy I chose to get a Wii, because of games like this. Also, I've still never beat the original. Piston Honda is a vengeful rat bastard. But maybe with this new incarnation, I'll finally have my much sought after glory. I may even buy a pair of these.

Oh, It's on.




¹ Which is the dominant genre in video gaming these days. A lot has been said about what that says about us as a culture, that facilitating fantasies of murder; simply running around various terrains with various weapons shooting the crap out of each other, are the most popular games in the multi-billion dollar gaming industry. But, from where I'm standing it comes down to this: After smoking weed, sneaking up on someone and shooting them in the dick is FUCKING FUNNY. It absolutely never gets old. However, It could just as easily be a pie throwing game, where you could sneak up and pie people, and it would provide the same level of comedy and satisfaction. However, they don't make that game, and until they do, we're stuck with guns and war and bloodiness. C'est la vie.

² Even though, as Mike Tyson isn't (and perhaps never was) a good character to put into a PG rated kid's video game, and Nintendo has removed all trace of him from subsequent re-releases, sequels and virtual console releases, it'll always be "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!" to me.
For more on Mike Tyson, check out this interesting documentary/extended interview HERE. It was brought to my attention to ?uestlove of The Roots, and his every-10-minutes Twitter account.

Gettin' my prolific on Or: Writes on Writes!!

I've been doing my best to keep writing in recent days, but not very much of the output seems to be landing on this lowly blog. But don't fret, this will not be just abandoned like Mambo About Masonry (Just playing, REAL TALK - Mark is currently killing it on both SHARP for men, and The Format, so you know, he's a little busy). I've been working on a few projects, and there are a few new sites I've been contributing to. (and then there's that movie script...)

Last week, the cleverly named Punk News site, Punknews.org published a review of Atmosphere's "When Life Gives You Lemons...", which can be found HERE.

I've also started writing reviews on businesses and restaurants for Yelp.ca . You can see my review of colorful Queen West staple Michael's Restaurant HERE, and another review of my favorite spot for food in all of California, Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, HERE.

Also, I wrote another fun Hamburger review for HamBlogger, which should be going up any second now...*cough*

So, I've been keeping busy on the writing front, but I hope to have more of it be on here. So keep checking back, and I'll actually finish more of the things I start. Honest engine. Freals. Real Talk.

SNIKT! OR: How to avoid disappointment while watching Wolverine (Workprint edition)

(I should mention, for anyone who has a vested interest in seeing Xmen Origins: Wolverine in the theatre, you may want to avoid this post. There are only minor spoilers ahead, mainly in reguard to the movie being a disappointment, but if you want to go into it fresh, maybe stop here)


I, like many other people in the early morning of this years April fools day, came across a link on their Pirate site of choice, which apparently lead to a leaked work print of the new X-Men Origins: Wolverine. "What? This has got to be a joke..." I remember thinking as I clicked the link, getting myself ready to watch some Rick Astley.

But then the movie started, and the rest, they say, is the biggest leak in history.

Now, as Iron Man and Dark Knight showed us, it's really not that hard to do a comic book movie that will remain at least halfway faithful to the comic. In the case of Jon Favreau's Iron Man especially, making little nods to longtime comic fans is half of the charm in that movie.
XO:Wolverine does not do that. At all.
Deadpool never makes a 4-th wall breaking quip about being in a movie, Emma Frost doesn't use any telepathy, and to paraphrase Simon Pegg; the Blob makes X-3's Rick-Jamesian Juggernaut look like Ice Cube from Boyz N The Hood.

But, that doesn't make the movie unwatchable.
You just need to keep a few things in mind while watching.
So, if you have any foreknowledge of the comics, or possess some semblance of common sense, and plan to watch the leaked workprint of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, heres a few pointers to make the film more enjoyable:

• Pretend Will.i.am isn't Will.i.am, but a friend of yours. That way you A) won't feel stupid for watching a movie featuring the terrible acting of the guy who wrote "my humps", and B) you'll be stoked to see your friend in a major motion picture.
  
  
• Use your mind's Charlie Brown filter, and instead of making teachers sound like Trombones, make anyone who says the word "DeadPool" say "Another mutant who is in no way connected to DeadPool". The character in the film is only Deadpool in name only, so if you can filter that out, you're golden.Also, give Gambit an accent of some sort while you're at it.
  
  
• Ignore the part where they say the only way to kill Wolverine is with an adamantium bullet like he's the fucking wolf man. I mean, the movie itself contradicts that statement later on anyways.
  
  
• It should go without saying that suspention of disbelief is essential to enjoying a comic book movie, but suspension of common sense is sometimes essential for this one. So, when someone describes a "deserted secret island", just take it for granted that ambulances and fire trucks can drive there, and people can walk on and off of it (despite originally getting there via jumping out of a plane).
  
  
• Actually, remember when I said to pretend DeadPool is "Another mutant besides Deadpool"? Maybe instead make that "Cybernetic Robot version of Baraka from Mortal Kombat II". Just tell yourself that William Styker is a big MK fan from back in the day and made a giant robot Baraka as a means of dispatching Wolverine. Then When he watches everything through Deadpool Another Mutant Robo-Baraka's eyes like POV porn and commands him with c:/ prompts, it won't seem so batshit ridiculous.
  
• Also, if you're aware of them, forget anything you may know about the fate of Agent Hoover in Preacher, or the death of Darth Maul in Star Wars episode 1. This will make endings for certain characters presented in XO:Wolverine seem original (and with lazer beams!!)
  

Well, I think that about covers it. I've probably come off alot more like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons as usual in this little diatribe, but I do this for your benefit. Enjoy the movie!

Quick one while he's away bored OR: New Taglines!

It's another one of my over abundance of days off, and the weather outside makes me feel like I live in the Pacific Northwest as oppose to Downtown Toronto. I know I've talked shit on S.A.D. in the past, but lousy weather really can be a good demotivator, and when you're as lazy as I am, you'll take any excuse.

Anyway, I made a couple of new tag lines (the primarily sarcastic catch phrases that appear at random under the blog's semi-nonsensical title), so hit F5 and see if you can spot the new magic.

If you're really dying for some more new writing (and really why else would you be here...), Punknews.org published another review of mine, for Atmosphere's "When Life Gives You Lemons..." album, and you can read that HERE.